5 Steps To Using Words, Not Fists

My son (the lil' hammer dude) is like most kids - impressionable and teachable. (I see this as an upside to having kids, because if you don't censor your own bad behaviour, they pick it up!!).

note to self - hide the candy wrappers better so my six year old doesn't see them in the garbage and get upset when I won't let her have any

Anyway, more about Lil' J. He has learned to talk about his anger, rather than hitting. Here's what worked for us:

Step 1) Intervene if he is hitting, pushing, or otherwise being physical with his anger.

Step 2) Sit down at his level and wait for him to calm down.

Step 3) Ask him why he is angry, listen to what he has to say.

Step 4) Tell him that it is OK to be angry, but that it is NOT OK to use his hands to show anger.

Step 5) Show him another way to express his anger: for example, by using words.

Steps 4 and 5 are particularly important. I truly believe that kids are not born wanting to hit or be violent - they just don't know how to express themselves. I also think it's important that he deal with anger, so that it's not bottled up inside.

This morning, for example, he didn't get to play in the school playground like he usually does because of the rain. He was very upset, but because we've been through the five steps listed above, he walked nicely with me, holding my hand, and talked about how angry he was. I told him that I understood, I'd be angry too, it's OK to feel that way, and I was very proud of how he uses his words to tell me.

Because he had been taught how to express himself without getting in trouble (which would have made him angrier), he got over it in about two or three minutes, and started laughing talking about something else entirely.

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Does It Get Any Easier?

Ah yes. There is a light at the end of the tunnel!

For those parents out there dealing with the perils of "age four" for the first time, take heart in knowing that it does get easier. Alyssa is turning six in a few weeks, and is soooo much easier than when she was Lil' J's age (4 1/2). At the moment he is a holy terror ;-)

I remember back when A was that age, I thought to myself "she's difficult because she'll be an easy teenager". As it turns out I'm getting my rewards sooner than I thought :-)

Hmmm. I wonder, then, what her adolescence will be like???? Ahhhhhh!!!

lol

How To Keep Kids Quiet While Others Are Sleeping

What? You think I know?

Hubby works shift work, and I think the poor man has given up on having a quiet house to sleep in.

The kids mean well (when they remember). Asking a four and five year old to remember something for longer than 30 seconds is like asking me to stick with a diet.

Anyway... at the moment my Dad is visiting and sleeping in our basement, the sleeping area of which is located directly below our living room. Anyone who's lived in the basement suite of a house built in the 70's knows how noisy the ceilings are when people walk overhead.

So my daughter very thoughtfully turns down the volume of her Bratz DVD player ("Grandpa is sleeping!"). They sing along to the Barney music in nice quiet voices, trying their best to be good.

The song "If You're Happy And You Know It" comes on, and they quietly demonstrate their happiness by... stomping their feet.

(sigh)

Pass the ice cream!!!

With Glowing Hearts

Yes that title was a shameless attempt to get Google traffic to my AdSense blogs... lol...

But I tell ya, my heart was sure glowing at a friend's daughter's 4th birthday today - I was so proud of my two!! They were the best behaved kids.

At the food table, mine were the only two that sat nicely waiting for pizza while the other kids roamed around. Either I nag my kids more or I don't feed them enough.

In the play area, they were nice children (I'm still trying to figure out where Alyssa and Joseph really went and who the impostors were). They had a blast but did not misbehave.

There was a ball pit, and Alyssa watched carefully to make sure she didn't jump on anyone whenever she jumped in. Joseph hugged a younger child on the trampoline, and was good about taking turns on the slide. He even used their bathroom to, uh, do number 2, which is a stretch for him.

"Mommy are you so proud of me?"

You bet :-)

Sugar!!!

Ooh I want this book:

http://www.littlesugaraddicts.com/

WOW does this describe my two kids, from the silliness to the moodiness, and the emotional volatility.

I try and keep their sugar intake low, but I'm reluctant to cut them off completely, because I worry that they'll want it even more. I guess I figure that if I give them a little bit (i.e. about 1/4 cup of Daddy's Pepsi in their own cup, for instance) then their craving will be satisfied.

It's scary how the sugar adds up. Everything seems to contain it. There's the refined processed stuff that's in things like peanut butter, and the natural stuff that's in fruit and vegetables. To completely eliminate sugar from a diet would involve giving up a lot of foods that have other benefits.

Still, I think my focus going forward will be to reduce my kids' consumption of sugar even further. For instance I can put less peanut butter on their banana slices.

First on the agenda will be to get rid of the leftover chocolate birthday cake I made for my husband so the kids won't have anymore. As a dedicated Mother I guess it's my duty to take care of that ;-)